Client Feedback:

Phone sessions saved me a long drive to your office. The real plus, of course, is that I am now dating the kind of people I can really relate to, and that has boosted my self-esteem to where I feel a lot better about myself. - Tom

After my divorce I started therapy. I became aware of my issues, underlying emotions and the source of these experiences (my childhood). The grieving, letting go and forgiving was very helpful via psychotherapy. I assumed that this growth and healing would transfer over to my love life. The therapist said I was ready to start dating. I did, and surprise! I started having some of the same problems with men I'd had before. Back to therapy. She really had no concrete answers on developing my social life in the here and now, only supportiveness and more re-examining parts of my past. I'm glad you encouraged me to keep seeing her for other problems, and I'm very grateful to have discovered someone like you who is a specialist. I never heard of a dating coach or singles researcher. You gave me the answers as to what to do next. And for women reading this, John made the playwork very safe, often fun and ALWAYS THOUGHT-PROVOKING. I never felt pressured. The pacing was perfect and the men I became involved with...well, almost perfect. I'm involved now. HE'S AN 80% match-the best I've ever experienced. - Lesley

When we started our phone sessions (which by the way, I didn't think would be effective; no personal contact) you opened my eyes about my social life. I think you used the term "under-socialized" to describe my dilemma, as observed by women. I guess that's why I feel so comfortable as an engineer - in my cubicle, I'm not pressured into interaction. As you know, Being 42, I was depressed about my prospects and had hardly dated - and never had a real relationship. I was so embarrassed about "being found out" by a woman, I even kept office conversations brief, especially when people asked how my weekend went. When you showed me how to handle the usual relationship/dating questions that women would ask, I felt relieved and hopeful. You showed me ways to respond that were honest, yet kept my dating history from becoming an issue on a date, and gave me steps on keeping the process going, instead worrying about the outcome. You know the rest of the story, dates, fun, and I've been offered a higher position in the company. Do I owe you any extra money? Just kidding. God bless you and may you always prosper. - Vic

I've been using the Internet and newspaper personal ads as a source of finding friends. But I soon realized how often people misrepresented themselves. A big waste of time! Now with your help I'm applying your ideas on observation, out into the real world, and I'm meeting and relating with more and better people. - Jeannette

I've always had difficulty with conflict (rocking the boat), once I was in a relationship. I eventually lost my identity trying to please the other person. Then I used your idea of bringing up a conflict and taking a stand by using those 6 basic steps. The discussions would become somewhat heated, and then we would talk about what really bothers us and resolve it. I've made a basic vow that if anyone can't handle the straightforward approach, it wasn't a relationship but a facade. I've also started bringing up suggestions for better communications at work. Fantastic concept, "Rock the boat and see who's still around." - Toni

John, thank you for all that you have done for me. I know that I wouldn't have the woman in my life that I now have without our talks and and the "feedback dates" you arranged. You helped me with my conversational abilities, both in making contact as well as going beyond small talk and quickly using that "one minute" skill with the six steps. You really have it down to a science. Now I'm meeting and opening myself up to people in general. I'm going to miss our sessions. - Richard

For the firsts time in my life, I have the confidence to go up to almost anyone, anywhere, and make contact. Where to meet women is no longer a big deal - they're everywhere! - Dan

From my experiences, I found matchmaking services disappointing, matching me it seems to just anyone, any age, no shared interests, memberships that expire before you have time to check out your matches. But the lure of a quick fix was very seductive. I was using them to be up front about my 45 pounds of overweight, and avoid rejection because of it. Later I was really angry at myself for spending so much money. Then I went to that place you recommended where "big and tall" singles go. Rejection and self-rejection was my main fear. After our consultations I had a different attitude. I let down my barrier and became more trusting. I saw a big difference immediately. I attended several meetings and was amazed at how accepting everyone else was and how hard on myself I'd been all these years. By the way, I have let my membership with the service expire, I've lost a few (not many pounds), and find I can meet and get introduced to more compatible people on my own. You were right, it's not the place you go but how you function once you get there. I was trying to skip over all my problems and the necessary steps by writing out a check. The lesson was expensive, but I am grateful that I've finally overcome my roadblocks and excuses. I just wish I'd done all this sooner. - Darla

The individual consultations with you simply worked. Here's an invitation to our wedding. - David and Sally

Since our sessions, I'm become much more aware of how men think and feel, and why they act the way they do on dates. I've learned to take it less personally, and have also got them to open up more to me. You're right, men do bond more readily if you know how to get them to disclose more. And also, I've discovered some real gems in the rough and given them a chance. And the wrong men really do reveal the warning signs if you can get them talking enough. - Liza

Initially I was embarrassed about attending your seminar on "How and where to meet the right person". And yes I had to be dragged along by my friend to attend. Being a 37 year old professional, owning my own home, working on myself in therapy, having lots of friends and a great career, I couldn't understand why my social life wasn't at the same level of success. I certainly had no problems getting dates or talking to men. I assumed that the right man would come into my life by doing what so many books say - being happy within yourself and having good self-esteem - which I do. But after five years of being in and out of relationships I still hadn't met the right man. Mostly I saw it as a problem about men not opening up, not committing, not being my equal, not working at a relationship, being intimidated by me - especially when they found out I made more money then many of them.
So naturally, when you started talking about self-sabotage, I thought you were talking about other people in the room. Then you briefly defined "counter-dependent" women- aloof, indifferent, in-charge, impatient, too busy to look for a man, and gave the image of not wanting love: signals that men can quickly pick up on. It was as if you were reading my mind as you described the list of traits. At that moment I knew I sabotaged situations. Your sessions, especially the role playing, really changed that, and the kind of men that I attracted. Thank you so much. By the way, I have found a man who is my equal. We've been dating about 7 months, so far, so good. Thanks again.- Denise

After five years in therapy and reading all the latest relationship books, I felt I knew most of the workshop material anyone could offer. But then, just before the break, you talked about people who were isolators. I am an extrovert and never saw myself as "isolating". When we spoke privately on the phone, you asked me a few questions about the results I was getting. It was then I became aware that I was sending messages that "there was no time in my life for love," which pushed away the very men I wanted. When we started the individual sessions I understood it from a man's perspective, and that I clearly fell into the role of an isolator, even though I met many men through my job network. I was surprised that at our second session you gave me several tips on breaking the pattern. Again, I thought I already knew the answers to being more approachable. When you demonstrated the body language I was creating, I was surprised again to discover new things about how I came across. By the following session I had been asked for my phone number by two men and had a date with another. I'm not expecting anything out of these situations, but it really gave me a sense of confidence that I could simply make myself more approachable, and not be the one to often do the approaching. It really works, moving through the roadblocks that hold you back. - Marianne

I've always been the "nice guy" type. It was saddening and made me angry that macho men did better with women. I resented the fact that I had more to offer a woman, and yet I got passed over, and often stuck in the friendship role, or "backup date"; or simply a couple of dates and then I got the familiar "too busy" or "I'm trying to work things out with my old boyfriend" routine. I couldn't figure it out. And neither could my friends. The phone sessions were so full of ideas on meeting women and dealing with rejection fears that even my friends commented that I was more assertive in how I related to women. I didn't believe you when you told me my real challenge was coming up later. I recall your exact words. "You'll need to learn to let go of a lot of very nice women, slow down and make a choice based on temperament combinations." After meeting 31 women (meeting or dating) I started getting past the first or second date syndrome and sex happened on numerous occasions. I probably shouldn't have had sex so early on. But I felt so confident, like I needed to catch up. But then when I asked you how to respond to women's questions about whether or not this relationship was exclusive, I could see that I was being put into the choosing role by the women. I'd always let women choose me--it was safer! Just as you had speculated, letting go and making choices was my last challenge. Thanks so much. I hope other single people, especially the nice guy types, talk to you. - Allen

I just wanted to thank you for helping me find and start dating more Christian men. I was apprehensive at first, assuming you'd try to make me settle for men of a more secular nature and worship on my own. You were the first one besides my pastor that told me to stick to my values, even if it took longer. Thank you for honoring my spiritual needs. - Catherine

I have a lot to offer and believed that time would take care of connecting with a special man. Then it hit me that I'd said the same thing to myself seven years ago, and here I am, on dates with nice men, none who were really my type. It was more than a bit depressing. When you talked about situational shyness it described me to a tee. Too much so. Our sessions have really opened my eyes on how I attracted the wrong men. It also showed me how I set myself up to have a rotten time so I had the excuse to leave early. Now I can mingle longer and ask more probing questions instead of being so self-conscious. - LeAnne

Instead of hanging out with my friends (who were often negative about dating). I broke away from "the pack". Used the flirting skills you showed me (which I'd never read about in those how-to books - they work). - Bonnie
P.S. You were right about women in groups being intimidating to men. The first club I went to by myself, I was approached much more often.

I probably appeared very arrogant during out phone conversations as I told you about all my short term relationships and easy sex. I didn't have any problems! I guess I was a "womanizer" as they say. I just wanted to see if you had anything to offer me. I certainly didn't want to get married. When you started probing about the women in my life I'd been emotionally intimate with, I could only name one. When I imagined being really close to her again, I felt sad at the loss. And I could see the resemblance of my behavior to my father - his betrayal of my mother with women he had on the side. I hated him for it and in a strange way admired his ability to get women, which was difficult for me at that time. But now, the easy sex had no more challenge and I was wondering, "Is that all there is?" But from the fill-in questions you gave me to take home, I found out how I became exactly what I disliked in my father. Give or take ten more pages of more story line, as you know, I worked through that and met a woman who I viewed as just a friend. Two years later we married. I broke the pattern I had learned from my father. Will send pics. My best. - Brian

The way I did it before was to reveal that I was interested in a long term relationship and eventually maybe marriage. When you gave me the woman's perspective on this kind of time-saving question, I saw why most of them never called back again. Now they call more often, and the communication is much better. - Wayne

Rod and I have decided to get married in February, and are presently (should I say rushing) making plans. We greatly appreciate all the help you have given us. We found each session to be highly beneficial. With your help we have been able to break through barriers that could have caused real problems in our marriage and then I would have been back to the dating scene. - Julie

It is very difficult to describe all the great things that happen if you can just say Hello and carry on from there, using John's techniques. As someone said, it is like embarking on an adventure. - Josh

I would have ended up married, eventually, to someone, without your help. And eventually divorced without your help! However, I am clear that my having sessions with you not only speeded up the process of connecting, but allowed me to choose a really quality person and have great communication, especially discussing differences, and normal dating conflicts. You are a really gifted guy and I will always appreciate what you've done for me. - Michael
P.S. When is your book coming out?


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