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Center of the Family
<<Dr. Sears' policy puts the child at the center of the family instead of putting the marriage at the center.>>
Could you please provide documentation (quotes, specific books and pages, etc.) for the assertion that Dr. Sears teaches that the child is the center of the family? Are you basing this, for example, on "The Ministry of Parenting Your Baby" or on one of his other books? (On pg. 15 of the mentioned book, he lists a commitment to both the marriage relationship and a commitment to the parent-child relationship as the first element of what he terms "attachment parenting". I found nothing about the child being the center of the family. But then, I haven't read all of his books...) Further, could you please provide the Scriptural references that provide the basis for a marriage-centered approach to family life?
<<Not only do I feel this is an unbiblical emphasis (see the story of creation, no children around, Eve was provided for Adam and the family was complete without children) >>
It is interesting that in Genesis 1:27-28, in the creation account, we read that the very first recorded command given to man immediately after the creation of both Adam and Eve is the command to be fruitful and multiply. I'm not sure what sort of point you're trying to make about "no children around" or about the family being complete without children. Sorry if I seem dense, but it almost sounds--although I'm sure that this couldn't be the case--that you are implying that a "perfect existence" (e.g., the Garden of Eden) could not include children--or that children were some sort of after-thought in God's creation! <g> If God viewed the family as being complete without children, why did He give the command to bear children?
I am also curious as to what you understand as the Biblical purpose of marriage. The historical Christian understanding, as expressed by the Reformers, placed a high emphasis on the bearing and raising of children. Unfortunately, our modern culture seems to view marriage as something we do for ourselves, a means for finding self-fulfillment, as an end in itself. We (and by this I mean the American church in general) do not think of marriage as a means of glorifying God, as a living example of the relationship between Christ and the Church, as a means of extending His kingdom to the next generation, as a means of producting godly seed. This is very unfortunate and extremely unscriptural. I am a bit troubled whenever I run across parenting advice that puts a created being in "control" of the family or at the "center" of the family (for example, teaching that stresses a parent-centered approach to family life). I am alarmed (but sadly, no longer shocked) when I find such self-centered and frankly humanistic advice within the Church.
UPDATE: I've probably had the above conversation, in a number of different forms, at least two dozen times. Each time, the person claiming that Dr. Sears teaches that parents are to put their children at the center of the family or "elevate the child to the center of the family universe" is unable to come up with one example or quote to this effect. I'm still searching for the quote. In some cases, the person making the claim will then go on to admit that he/she has not read one word of any of Dr. Sears' books or articles, nor have they ever heard him speak. They have "heard" however, that this is what he teaches. And they all seem to have "heard" it from roughly the same source of parenting information.
copyright 1995 ,1997 by Rebecca Prewett
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