But I Don't Want to Nurse All the Time OR Watch the Clock!
by Rebecca Prewett

Demand feeding is getting a bad rap these days. Supposedly, demand feeders have their babies latched on constantly, or at least every half hour. Their babies are cranky, demanding, and destined to grow up to be self-centered hooligans. The poor mothers are exhausted, completely at the beck and call of their babies, and generally run ragged. The fathers feel like they're on the outside looking in, sadly grieving over the "loss" of their wives.

Schedule feeding is getting a bad rap these days. Supposedly, schedule feeders are clock-watchers, spending a great deal of time coldly telling their starving, screaming babies, "No, it's not time to eat yet. You'll have to wait." When their babies aren't screaming from hunger, they're listless and lethargic from starvation and emotional deprivation. The parents blithely go on their merry way, ignoring their infants unless it's the time appointed for feeding, burping, changing, or brief holding.

Critics of both approaches tend to describe only the extremists, glossing over those who do not fit the stereotypes and completely ignoring the many of us who do not consider ourselves members of either camp.

We Decide to Camp Elsewhere

Our first two children quickly taught us the truth of what many parents had already told us: "Each baby is different." Our first child, if he had been given his way, no doubt would have spent almost 24 hours blissfully latched on, pausing only to socialize and nap briefly. Our second child was born with sucking blisters and preferred her two fingers over anything else. Very business-like about breastfeeding, she saw it as a means of preventing starvation every three to four hours.

Then we had our third child, who almost died at birth. While he was in the "transitional care nursery", I was a bit surprised to discover that the other babies there were not being fed on a strict, efficient schedule. The nurses explained that they had found that ill babies do not do well on an arbitrary feeding schedule. Their goal, in this nursery, was to make sure that each baby was feeding well and gaining weight in preparation for being discharged. Anything that used up calories unnecessarily--such as crying--was to be avoided at all costs. Further, they told me that a set amount of time between feedings did not cause the baby to feed better; in fact, if the time period was too long for that particular baby, it would probably cause him to feed poorly because of hunger. (He would either be too frantic to coordinate his sucking efforts, or he would be too tired to put forth the effort, starting a perpetuating cycle of poor feeds spaced too far apart resulting in more poor feeds.)

I learned a number of tricks from these nurses that proved quite helpful in determining whether my baby had had a good feed. At first, because he would still sometimes get a bit out of breath while feeding (he would stop to catch his breath, much like someone who had just finished exercising strenuously) I was encouraged to nurse him frequently and let him set the pace for the length of the feedings. Once his breathing had improved, I began encouraging him to fill his tummy at each feeding.

We found that it sometimes helped to change his diaper in the middle of a feeding. Also, at the beginning, I switched sides rather often in a feeding, which seemed to make it easier for him to fill up before he got too tired. Massaging his head during feedings seemed to help encourage him to nurse longer. I grew to recognize when he was truly satiated; then I would let him drift off to sleep.

Just as the nurses had told me, once he began consistently feeding well, the length between feedings became fairly predictable. (We had noticed this, to some extent, with our older two.) I knew that if a particular feeding was rushed or got interrupted, he would be hungry sooner. This approach worked equally well with our next two children.

The Dilemma

What do you call our infant feeding style? It's certainly not schedule feeding, although a visitor to our home once commented on how well I had supposedly trained my baby to stick to a schedule. It's not exactly demand feeding either, because we do attempt to train our baby's feeding patterns, if need be. However, like many demand feeders, our primary purpose is to feed our babies in a compassionate, unrestrictive, sort of way. Our emphasis is not on achieving some "optimum" spacing of feedings, nor do we view breastfeeding as nothing more than the transfer of nutrition. Our approach does not preclude comfort nursing.

I discovered that, as I began questioning more experienced mothers about their feeding styles, that many of them had a similar approach. Commonly, many mothers of larger families tended to nurse ad lib during the first three months and then, by encouraging baby to fill his tummy, settled into a routine. The routine was not imposed by the parents, but simply fell into place as a result of the infant's development.

The Solution

The solution, it seems, is to quit attaching labels for the sake of judging feeding practices. The solution to the entire conflict of which feeding style is "better" lies in returning to Biblical principles. 

1. I think we could all agree that "feed your baby" is a Biblical principle. While I can't find a verse that says exactly those words, the whole counsel of Scripture makes it plain that parental duty includes the physical nourishment of their children.
2. When the Bible describes breastfeeding, for example in Isaiah 66:11-13, it paints a picture of compassion, comfort, and tender-heartedness.
3. The principle that "God is a God of order", while true, cannot logically be extrapolated out to any sort of infant feeding schedule. To imply so would open the door to all sort of debate such as...is it more orderly to breastfeed only on the hour as opposed to the half hour?...is it more orderly to breastfeed every three hours or every three and a half hours?...is it disorderly to nurse every three hours and fifteen minutes?...is it more orderly to nurse in the same straight-backed chair every time?...is it more orderly to nurse from the same side first each time?...is it more orderly for us to eat four meals each day or three meals each day or even two meals each day?...is it more orderly for us to drink 7 glasses of water each day or 8 glasses of water?...is it disorderly to drink when thirsty as opposed to at predetermined times?...etc.
4. There is nothing in Scripture that indicates that God is concerned with how frequently we eat and drink, provided we do not commit the sin of gluttony. Even the detailed dietary laws of the Old Testament do not give a hint of any feeding routine or schedule.
5. The principle that we are to be "sober-minded" does not preclude any infant feeding style that meets the needs of the baby in a manner consistant with Scripture.
6. Breastfeeding is obviously God's design for feeding babies. Any feeding style that puts the breastfeeding relationship at risk, encourages or requires supplementation, or results in poor milk supply (without there being another unrelated cause for the poor milk supply) is clearly working in opposition to God's design and therefore in violation of Biblical principles.
7. There is nothing sinful in allowing a child to nurse for comfort. Isaiah 66:11-13 describes the breastfeeding relationship as one that provides comfort and not just physical nourishment.
8. Any infant feeding style is not Biblical if it is not in harmony with the Biblical requirement that we love our children, treat them with tenderness and compassion, not provoke them to wrath, not offend them, but always remember to treat them as "one of the least of these".

We have found that, after much prayer and study, our conscience requires us to feed our babies in a certain way. Some have termed an approach similar to ours as "responsive breastfeeding". We have discovered that the breastfeeding relationship, the particulars, vary from baby to baby and--with each baby--from stage to stage. We also recognize that it is up to the Holy Spirit to direct other parents. Our hope is that, someday, the argument regarding demand feeding versus schedule feeding will be laid completely to rest...and that mothers will simply breastfeed their babies out of love and the uncomplicated desire that their babies receive the best nourishment and nurturing possible. With this in mind, they will feel free to adopt the approach best suited for them to achieve their goal, without being in bondage to any baby advice imposed on their families.

copyright 1996 by Rebecca Prewett

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