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"Prep" in the Real World

<<I have a "friend" who is wigged out on the program. When I was struggling with my infant, she sat in my living room extolling the virtues of this program while her "well-behaved" daughter tore through every room in my house, and blatantly disobeyed both her mother and my repeated requests that she not go in the baby's room and wake him. (I caught her climbing into the crib while her mother was still in the living room discussing Ezzo's great discipline programs.) And, by the way, neither one picked up one toy on their way out! >>

I think that some of us that have concerns about the Ezzos' program are not only reacting to what we have read, but what we have seen in some families such as you described. For example, I once visited with a family who taught GKGW in their church, only to be interrupted rudely numerous times by their boys (one of whom was in junior high). (In fact, they may have interrupted once when I was trying to ask, "What's this I've heard about the 'interrupt rule'?" <g>) I've also seen some awfully cranky babies whom their mothers insisted were "content". In fact, I think that some of the first "Prep" families that I met early on, who tried to convince me to get with the program, were unfortunately not examples very many people would want to follow. (The Ezzos would probably say--and perhaps rightly so--that these parents weren't really following the program as the Ezzos intended it to be followed.)

<<So what am I saying? God gives YOU children, and entrusts YOU to decide what is best for them and to teach them to live a Godly life. Ezzo's principles are fine as a reference, but implementing them without having a deeper grasp of parenting is pretty empty.>>

This is the crux of the matter. I am deeply concerned whenever I meet parents who are parenting by some specific methodology (sometimes expressed by "We're doing _______" or "We're a _________ family" or "This is our _______ baby"--fill in the blank with name of teacher or program.) It reminds me of Rilla in the Anne of Green Gables series who attempted to raise an orphan baby according to the book written by "Dr. Oracle". It's really quite amusing...and it's heartwarming to read how she eventually comes to her senses and her heart is softened towards the baby. But, when I hear new parents saying, "Well, we're doing this because ______ says...." it's not quite so amusing. In essence, when we as parents implement a "program" in that manner, we are placing the author/teacher in a position of authority over our families that God intended for *us* to fulfill.

<<Should you really put a baby on a controlled schedule just so you can get some sleep? Should you really put a baby in a playpen just so you can get something done? That's pretty selfish ... why did you have kids? I CHOSE to put my infant on a schedule because he did not work into one on his own, and was stubborn and demanding.>>

Again, you hit the nail on the head! Someday we will be accountable before God for our parenting practices. (That's an extremely sobering thought...sometimes this whole wonderful responsibility seems awesome and a bit overwhelming, doesn't it?) God sees and knows the motives of our hearts. We may be able to fool others and even fool ourselves, but...

I also appreciate that you pointed out that demand fed babies can settle into a routine on their own and that, even with those who embrace demand feeding wholeheartedly, there may come a time when they will need to implement more structure and routine to the life of their child, for his benefit. In my mind, you truly struck a sensible balance here.

<<Prep. for Parenting always wins, not because Ezzo is so perfect but because their premises are all Scripturally based.>>

Sigh...

I didn't realize this was some sort of contest, but I suppose perhaps it is for a few parents.

Interestingly enough, I have received many, many letters and phone calls from people who did not feel that they "won" when they used Preparation for Parenting. I'm glad it worked for you. It doesn't work for all families. Some of the results are quite troubling.

As for the Scriptural basis--even the Ezzos have admitted that there is no Scriptural basis for the sort of infant feeding schedule that they advocate. They try to make a case based on order, etc., but there is no Scripture that advocates the regulation of breastfeeding, or a number of other practices found in the Ezzo program.

Although it is always interesting to hear parents defend their particular favorite parenting "expert" or program, I have found personally that I benefit far more by learning from a Titus 2:3-5 sort of relationship with older mothers who have already raised their children (or at least partially raised them) and who I know to exemplify the sort of family life that is my goal. They seemed to manage quite well, without depending on faddish parenting trends, tons of books and tapes, seminars, radio and TV programs, magazines, and all the other stuff that is currently out there.

Just my $.02

copyright 1995 by Rebecca Prewett

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