Bottlefeeding Without Guilt

Bottlefeeding, Guilt, and Breastfeeding Extremism:
A review of Bottlefeeding Without Guilt (new title: When Breastfeeding is Not an Option) by Peggy Robin
by Rebecca Prewett

This book has generated quite a bit of controversy, as well as amusement. I will deal with its most controversial aspect below; only a small part of it has stemmed for the Ezzos' enthusiastic endorsement of a book that is not only pro-choice on the abortion issue but derisive towards evangelical Christianity. Some of the amusement has been apparent in online discussions over the author's claims that make up a major thesis of the book.

Who should read this book?

I would recommend that breastfeeding advocates, whether they are lactation professionals, La Leche League Leaders, or individuals who simply advocate breastfeeding informally, strongly consider reading this book. If anything, it could act as a cautionary tale for how breastfeeding advocates are sometimes perceived by bottlefeeding advocates or by those who have given up breastfeeding in favor of bottlefeeding. It underscores the ongoing necessity for accurate information to be presented in a compassionate manner.

However, I honestly don't think that the average parent will gain much from reading this book. It will not help anyone make an informed decision about breastfeeding or bottlefeeding; in fact, the lengthy quiz, "Breast or Bottle: Which is Best for You?" perpetuates a number of myths. It would discourage from breastfeeding, for example, a smallbreasted woman whose nipples are sore from pregnancy hormones, who has a family history of allergies, who is carrying a breech baby, who is neat and tidy and particular about her appearance, who feels inhibited about her breasts, who plans on circumcising her son, and who plans to exercise and read books after the birth of her baby. Interestingly enough, I've met women who fit this profile and have chosen to breastfeed in part for some of these very reasons; certainly none of them will interfere with successful breastfeeding, nor do they indicate a lack of commitment to breastfeeding.

The information about bottlefeeding would probably be best found elsewhere, without having to wade through chapters of polemic in order to find something useful.

Reassuring guide or conspiracy theory?

Peggy Robin has written what is described on the cover as a "reassuring guide for loving parents". According to her, bottlefeeding parents are victimized by overly zealous breastfeeding advocates. She also advances an interesting, if not amusing, conspiracy theory about what she terms "the overselling of the breast". Apparently the American Academy of Pediatricians, the World Health Organization, and hundreds of medical researchers are part of a conspiracy to "praise the wonders of breastmilk" and claim benefits for breastfeeding. Why? Best I could figure is that it's all a sinister plot to make bottlefeeding women feel guilty.

All of the research about breastfeeding is airily dismissed by Peggy Robins. While she admits that she is not a medical expert, she considers herself qualified to disagree with all the medical experts because, in her words, "in college I did learn a few things about studies." She doesn't cite any of the research she's dismissing, but just generalizes and even mischaracterizes some of the claims made about the benefits of breastfeeding. She counters them with anecdotal evidence she has gathered online and from bottlefeeding mothers who responded to an ad she placed.

It soon becomes evident that she believes that there are little or no benefits to breastfeeding. In fact, she suggests several times that formula is superior in many instances and she especially praises the wonders of soy formula.

Admittedly, some of the things quoted from breastfeeding advocates is disturbing. I've also run into some rude, obnoxious, and demeaning posts online such as what she found. However, in her world, while breastfeeding advocates are militantly condemning and outrageous, bottlefeeders are almost a saintly lot, even to the point of encouraging breastfeeding (politely of course) and helping out their breastfeeding coworkers. Apparently Peggy Robin, while doing her online research, failed to follow any of the "breastfeeding in public" discussions, where it is not uncommon for militant bottlefeeders to declare that breastfeeding anywhere but in one's home, even if the woman and baby are covered with a blanket, should be outlawed. Apparently she has not read the posts by the "bottlefeeding police" who derisively compare breastfeeding with copulation, defecation, and/or urination.

The sad truth is that rudeness and outrageousness exist all too frequently in our society and are not just exhibited by one side in the breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding controversy. Given a little time, I could match even the worst of Peggy's stories. For example:

A friend of mine was hounded all through her pregnancy by her militant bottlefeeding in-laws. The morning after her baby was born, her sister-in-law called her in the hospital and demanded to know what she was feeding the baby. When she replied that the baby was doing well on the breast so far, the other woman screamed into the phone, "Do you want your baby to DIE?!!"
I was sitting in a church "mother's room", nursing my baby so discretely that a man who walked in thought the baby was sleeping. He asked to see the baby and I replied that the baby was nursing. The man recoiled and exclaimed, "I can't believe you're doing that here!" His voice emphasized the word "that" with great disgust. Given the fact that I was in a room set aside for nursing mothers (and bottlefeeding mothers as well) and that I was nursing discretely, I hardly saw anything to raise his ire---especially since he didn't belong in the room in the first place.
"What are you, a cow?" or "Moo...moooo!" Several breastfeeding women I know have had to put up with a constant barrage of such taunts, and even far worse, from bottlefeeders.
Several women online, who indicated "lactation consultant" or "breastfeeding counselor" in their online profiles, were inundated with a barrage of obscene and hostile email.

I could go on and on. And it's not just bottlefeeders or breastfeeders who give unsolicited advice, are rude and ugly, or criticize the practices of other parents. Over the years, I have been rudely accosted by complete strangers and sternly criticized for anything from being pregnant to not knowing the sex of my unborn baby to having more than the socially acceptable number of children to buying chicken breasts to selecting "strange" produce to...well, you get the picture.

Now, if I had an ax to grind, I suppose I could put an ad in the paper soliciting testimonies from women who had "received unsolicited advice, comments, or pressure" about their decision to breastfeed, have more than two children, or forego peeling carrots for a large gathering in favor of buying party trays of prepared vegetables. Then I could gather all sorts of horror stories and come up with a grand conspiracy theory about a powerful cult that is behind what is supposedly more than just garden-variety busybody rudeness.

Perhaps, in fairness to Peggy Robin, I should restate this. If I felt guilty and conflicted...if I were deeply disappointed and perhaps defensive about my choice to buy already prepared carrots, perhaps then I would feel the same sense of hurt, guilt, and outrage at the complete stranger who demanded rudely, "Don't you know how to peel carrots? Don't buy that! It's much cheaper for you to buy them whole and wash and peel them yourself!"

Are you part of the cult?

You could be, according to Peggy Robin, in the most controversial part of her book. If you believe her, there is a militant breastfeeding cult on the loose in our nation. Since Peggy Robin is clearly not a Christian, she did not turn to one of the respected cult watch groups such as the Christian Research Institute for her list of cult characteristics; instead she turned to a private investigator who has written a book on cults. Thus, the definition of what constitutes a cult is not at all the sort of definition that evangelical Christians would use---in fact, one of her characteristics of a cult is that cults base their teachings on Faith or God!

I took many of the supposed elements of the "breastfeeding cult lifestyle" and put them in the form of questions. Ask yourself if you are caught up in the "breastfeeding cult":

Do you nurse your babies past one year of age?
Do you share your bed with your nursing baby?
Do you believe that mothers and fathers have different roles to play in raising children?
Do you believe that God provided women with breasts in order to feed their babies?
Do you associate with other women who breastfeed their children or even---gasp!---attend La Leche League meetings?
Do you sign your email messages with "Billy's mommy" or cutesy nicknames? This is an obvious sign that you are assuming a childlike, unquestioning, unintellectual role within the cult.
Do you follow the AAP guidelines of breastfeeding a baby exclusively for six months before introducing supplements or solids? (Presumably the AAP is part of the cult.)
Do you believe that there are not only physical differences between men and women, but psychological and emotional differences as well?
Do you believe that motherhood is a noble calling and that mothers and babies belong together? Do you---gasp!---think that babies are better off if their mothers are home with them rather than pursuing careers?
Do you make your baby's food from wholesome, nourishing ingredients and avoid processed foods or additives?
Do you believe that birth should be a joyous, natural, and nonmedical event?
Do you use cloth diapers?
Do you prefer cotton clothing?
Do you avoid pacifiers and artificial nipples?
Do you have a large family or---even worse---not use artificial contraceptives?
Are you anti-abortion?
Is your son uncircumcised?
Do you believe that homeschooling is the preferred method of education? And, even if you don't homeschool, do you admire those who do?

If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, let me warn you that Peggy Robin views these as characteristics of the cult lifestyle!

Evangelical Christians---or cult members?

So...presumably the following hypothetical (but based on a composite) evangelical family would be considered, by Peggy Robin, as cult members. Let's call them Jim and Mary Smith, members of a conservative church that teaches that the Bible is God's revelation to man. They believe the Bible provides the answers to man's most perplexing questions and problems. In preparation for marriage, Jim and Mary met with their pastor to study what God teaches regarding the family. They came to believe that children are a blessing from God and they grew eager to experience that blessing. They saw no reason to wait to have children and decided not to use birth control in the beginning of their marriage. Perhaps later they would use natural planning to space their babies; they weren't sure. They were concerned about possible side effects of some contraceptives and they certainly didn't want to use any birth control method that might possible cause an early abortion. Both Jim and Mary believed that the Bible teaches that life begins at conception and that abortion is wrong.

A few months after marriage, Mary was happily pregnant and they were faced with a myriad of decisions. Jim found the "bottle or breast" decision the easiest and said to Mary: "Didn't God already answer that one when He designed your breasts? Unless there is some sort of problem, I don't see why we'd want to go with a substitute." Childbirth wasn't such an easy matter. While Mary wanted to try natural childbirth because her best friend had told her that childbirth could be a joyful event for a Christian family, Jim wasn't so sure. He didn't want to see his wife in pain. But, after doing some reading and study on the issue, they both decided that, if Mary could cope with labor and there weren't any problems, there was no need to risk the side effects of labor medications. Mary experienced the joy of a natural delivery, but that paled in comparison to the far greater joy of holding her newborn son and knowing that it was God's grace that had brought him safely into her arms.

Jim had decided that James Jr. shouldn't be circumcised. He based this decision entirely on Scripture, explaining to Mary, "The Bible clearly teaches that circumcision was not intended to be a medical procedure, but a sign of the old covenant between God and the nation of Israel. The New Testament clearly teaches that gentiles are not obligated to circumcise their sons and speaks quite strongly against those who would suggest otherwise."

Mary was delighted in little Jimmy, but she had trouble breastfeeding at first. So, at the invitation of a friend, she attended a La Leche League meeting. Not only did she receive the help she needed, but she met other mothers who were staying home with their babies. Mary had decided that the Bible teaches that a mother should be home-centered in her ministry. Besides, she often joked, "I didn't go through pregnancy and labor just so someone else could have all the fun of taking care of my baby!" Mary enjoyed her new role as a mother so much that she often referred to herself as "Jimmy's Mommy", looking forward to the day when he would call her "Mommy". Based on what she had learned about breastfeeding, Mary was enthusiastic to help other mothers. Often the new mothers at church would gather together for fellowship and to swap advice about mothering, breastfeeding, diapering, teething, etc.

Jim was taking seriously his role as the spiritual leader of his new little family. He led his family in prayer each morning before work and each evening around the dinner table. As little Jimmy grew, his parents realized more and more that God had designed fathers and mothers differently and that each had a special role to play in the life of the child.

In order to save money, Mary washed Jimmy's cotton diapers. She also discovered that Jimmy easily got heat rash from polyester, so she began buying cotton baby clothes at the thrift store. She had always preferred cotton for herself, finding a lot of synthetic fibers uncomfortable. When Jimmy's pediatrician suggested the baby was ready for solids at about six months of age, Mary was concerned about the high price of baby foods. So she made the baby food herself. Her pediatrician agreed, "Fresh food is certainly healthier than jarred food, for adults as well as babies."

Around that same time, Jim and Mary bought a crib for Jimmy. He had started out in a little borrowed bassinet next to their bed. But now he was too big for that. Many nights he simply stayed in their bed with them but, while they enjoyed the cuddling, they also wanted their own space sometimes.

The years went by. Jim and Mary had several more children. As the children grew, their parents were impressed by some homeschooling families they knew. They looked into their educational options and decided to give homeschooling a try.

Little did they know that these things that they did---some based on their understanding of the Word of God, some based on their research, some based on advice from friends, some based on personal preference, and some based on economic necessity---marked them, in Peggy Robin's mind, as being part of a militant breastfeeding cult.

Humor and Satire Alert!

It is really difficult to take much of this "breastfeeding cult" nonsense seriously. So, in that vein, I have to say...

Peggy Robin did not go far enough in exposing the dangers of the breastfeeding cult!! She did not point out the most dangerous elements of the cult, the most radical aspect of it by far: the hardcore breastfeeding fringe!!

Who are the hardcore breastfeeders? Those are the women who are not content to breastfeed merely one or two children. No, they are so hardcore in their adherence to the breastfeeding lifestyle, so zealous, that they dare to breastfeed 5, 6, or even more children. After being part of a number of online discussions among these hardcore breastfeeders, as well as meeting a number of them in person, I've noticed the following "key elements" of the hardcore breastfeeding cult lifestyle:

They typically drive the standard cult vehicle: either a mini-van or a van. Some of those deeply entrenched in the hardcore breastfeeding lifestyle own both! And, among the most hardcore, only a 13-passenger van will suffice. This is such an important element of the lifestyle that, in one email discussion group, some mothers were encouraging other mothers not to be "afraid" of "just giving in" to the husband's demands for a large van. "You can learn to drive it," they would suggest in their zeal to indoctrinate other women further into the cult's practices. One woman went so far as to describe a used 15-passenger van as her husband's "dream car".
Although hardcore breastfeeders might give lip service to the family bed, bunk beds are almost universally found in their homes. They are often used to reinforce a cultish age-based hierarchy: older children are typically placed in the higher bunks to demonstrate their dominance over the younger children.
Once they have joined the cult, hardcore breastfeeders often claim to require special dining tables. "The ones we saw in the furniture store just won't suit our family," one mother declared online, only to have a number of of other hardcore mothers chime in. Often they will idealize a golden age of families, when the "right table" was allegedly much more easily found. They will decry "modern" tables as simply not good enough for their family.
Hardcore breastfeeding mothers and their families often adopt what they term a "thrifty" or "frugal" lifestyle---but what is in reality a radically alternative lifestyle completely out of step with our culture---characterized by buying food in bulk, avoiding convenience foods, "handing down" clothes from one child to the next, and avoiding entertainment. Cultic journals and email discussions often are filled with "money saving tips"; the authors clearly don't expect the hardcore breastfeeding mother to feed her family fast food, but instead demand that she prepare meals from scratch, using ingredients that are nourishing but inexpensive. Being a stay-at-home mother, the hardcore breastfeeder will have time for this sort of thing. Adults are forced to sacrifice travel and hobbies for the sake of the hardcore breastfeeding lifestyle. Often this "sacrifice" is glorified and described in glowing, even religious terms (such as the use of the word "sacrifice" itself). One mother wrote, "I don't even miss going to movies and eating out in restaurants. We have so much more fun now, just staying home and enjoying each other. It really doesn't feel like a sacrifice."
The most radical fringe amongst hardcore breastfeeders will zealously advance "the cause". They are known to hand out cult literature about "allowing God to plan your family". Those with smaller families often feel scorned as evidenced by the mother who felt obligated to defend herself by posting online, "I only have two children. I'd really like to have more..."

I'll admit that I borrowed some phrases and stylistic elements freely from Peggy Robin's book in order to make my point.

Obviously it's easy to take innocent practices such as making your own baby food, using cotton diapers, following the AAP guidelines for breastfeeding and supplementation, driving a van, etc., and, by reinterpreting them or unfairly linking them with practices or views that might be problematic, make them appear unbalanced, dangerous, and part of a sinister cult. This is made easier by the fact that Peggy Robin clearly does not have anything remotely approaching a Biblical worldview. Thus, faith in God is suspect and cultish. Believing that God created breasts for the nourishment of babies is suspect and cultish. Believing in anything but a feminist ideal of androgyny and identical sex roles is suspect and cultish. Being opposed to abortion is suspect and cultish. Peggy Robin writes:

When it comes to a woman's body, the world is full of people who are convinced that they have God's own instruction for what a woman should do, whether with her breasts or with her womb. It is consistent with the views of many breastfeeding cultists who regard both pregnancy and childbirth as sacred states, that abortion is anathema, and that once the beginnings of a human baby have formed within the womb, that new life---a "baby" (not an embryo or fetus)---should be considered as a full human being, whose needs take precedence over the pregnant woman's needs.

Those of us who name the name of Christ and believe in the Bible are certainly convinced that we have God's own instruction for how we are to live our lives. Does this mean that God commands breastfeeding? No, but He has harsh words for those who neglect their young, describing those who do not breastfeed their children in an unfavorable way. (One might argue that the Bible was describing mothers who refuse to feed their children, since bottlefeeding was not an option during that time. Thus, infant starvation is condemned, not bottlefeeding. Others say that since wet nursing was not uncommon, that it was this practice that was being condemned.) The simple truth is that God designed breastfeeding and thus we should not be quick to abandon, ridicule, demean, or criticize His design. However, since we live in a fallen world, sometimes there are valid reasons for bottlefeeding.

Those who believe in the Word of God also know that God declares children a blessing. He is the author of life. It is hardly the scope of this article to present a defense of the pro-life position; it is disheartening that one should even feel compelled to do so amongst Christians. Abortion should be anathema. Does this mean pregnancy and childbirth are "sacred states"? While the Bible does not use those words, it does teach that these things are blessings. Many of us who have born children and considered them to be gifts from God have experienced, along with our husbands, an extra measure of grace during these times. It is a great privilege to carry a new little life within the womb; it is tragic that more women do not believe the Bible strongly enough to consider pregnancy in such a light.

The Bible does not teach that children in the womb are any less human beings than those outside the womb. In fact, it often uses the same word for both. It gives the example of John the Baptist, who was filled with the Holy Spirit while in his mother's womb.

The Bible also teaches about true love---a love that is sacrificial and giving. It is this very love which Peggy Robin often decries and ridicules when she bristles against any mention of sacrifice or any suggestion that a mother should not consider her needs as paramount. The truth of the matter is that, if we truly love someone with a godly love---and, yes, this even includes our babies---we will be willing to lay down our lives for that person, just as Christ laid down His life for us. Love demands our all.

Peggy Robin, and the many who believe her philosophy, speak little or nothing of real love. Of primary importance to them is self on the throne. (The question is not "Is breastfeeding or bottlefeeding best for your baby?" but "Which is best for you?") God does not enter into the picture, neither as Creator nor as Judge. The idea of a holy God who requires obedience and worship is anathema to this philosophy. Mothers should be encouraged to do what is right in their own eyes and need not feel guilty for anything they do, even if it involves the murder of their unborn children. How dare anyone tell them differently! Breastfeeding might be OK, as long as the mother is willing to put up with it. Bottlefeeding is just as good, if not better. Anyone who suggests otherwise is part of a cult.

La Leche League comments on "Breastfeeding Without Guilt" and reveals its poor research methods in LLLeaderWeb: LEAVEN When They Criticize LLL

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