Rebecca Prewett
It was in the wee hours of the early morning. The house was dark and quiet, the traffic sounds hushed and muffled. I was in the baby's room, nursing him, and gazing into his dark "blueberry" eyes. I began praying for him, the prayer that had filled my heart ever since I discovered that I was pregnant: "Lord, please minister to him in a way that his little spirit can already sense. Give him a hunger for You. Give him the desire to love You and serve You above all else. Let him already sense Your presence." I knew that John the Baptist had been filled with the Holy Spirit while still in his mother's womb. I knew that my tiny baby certainly was a spiritual being. I knew that God could minister to him on a level that I couldn't--and on a level that I couldn't even begin to understand. And so I held him, nursed him, and prayed that God would already touch his life.
"Is he sleeping through the night yet?" I simply didn't understand the obsession other parents had about our sleeping habits. Why were they so concerned? None of them were getting up with him at night or having their sleep interrupted! I was...and I still treasure those moments. I was in no hurry to give up those special prayer times, when I held my son and acted as his intercessor. I tried to explain that sleeping through the night simply wasn't a major goal in my life, but other parents shook their heads at my inexperience and my over-sentimentalization of motherhood.
A friend of my parents held his little boy in his arms as we discussed new parenthood. He was telling me that one of the biggest shockers for him, the unexpected part of being a father, was that it gave him a better glimpse of the Fatherhood of God. "I'm beginning to understand, on a deeper level, the love of God," he said. "It's one of the most wonderful things about having a baby."
I nodded, my little guy also in my arms. Becoming a mother had transformed me like nothing else had. I thought differently. My goals in life were completely different. Everything had changed with the arrival of our gift from God. We had been blessed beyond my wildest imaginings. Now we had the awesome and wondrous privilege of raising this life to the glory of God.
Sometimes I felt as if I was standing back and watching myself grow up before my very eyes. I remembered a time when someone had carelessly spilled food on my clothing. It had been so difficult for me to react graciously; in fact, I had failed to conceal my irritation. Now, God in His great wisdom, had blessed me with a child who spit up on me, pooped on me, and continually made my clothing appear rumpled and stained. To my amazement, I began to see the humor in all of this.
There were other areas where I saw how much I still needed to mature. It is fairly easy to convince ourselves of our gracious maturity and self-sacrificing nature when we are childless. Little or nothing challenges our concept of ourselves. We can even sometimes manage to behave in the most selfish of ways without getting caught. However, one of the blessings of children is that we cannot as easily escape being confronted with our own selfish ways. We find ourselves bemoaning the fact that our child is not letting us sleep as much as we would like. We find ourselves irritated at having to check on a crying baby not five minutes after we put him down in his crib. "Doesn't he realize I'm busy?" we whine to ourselves. "Surely there is nothing wrong with him. I just put him down!" In a fit of frustration, we announce, "I can't believe how many times I had to change him today! I feel like my whole life is diapers!" We complain about a loss of freedom: "Remember how we could just up and go anywhere we wanted on a moment's notice?" we grouse to one another. We sulk at our spouses: "You spend more time with the baby than with me!" We show our ingratitude to God for His blessing by complaining about our baby being exactly what God sent us--a baby. And then we have to repent over the ugliness of our hearts.
My husband and I were not especially young when we married. We both wanted a family and saw no need to wait for some arbitrary length of time before having children. The oft-repeated slogan, "Enjoy each other and your freedom before you're stuck with kids!" did not impress us as particularly godly advice. Although the arrival of our first baby turned our lives topsy-turvy in the most wonderful and dramatic of ways, I discovered that there were other parents around me who were having a more difficult time adjusting than we were. It seemed, at least based on what they were saying, that they were struggling to find the blessing amidst what they perceived to be a burden. I purposed in my heart not to fall into the same trap.
In my zeal to be the best mother I could be, I did what I do whenever I'm faced with a new undertaking--I read and read and read. I was surprised at the conflicting advice I found in books and articles, as well as the conflicting advice I received from other parents. Some urged me to take care of myself and spend lots of time catering to myself--"After all, you can't be a good mother if you're not refreshed and happy." Others urged me to not let the arrival of a new baby alter my life that much. "Don't get too wrapped up in being a mother. Be sure to make lots of time for yourself--away from the baby. You'll need it!" "It's important that you and your husband leave your baby at least once a week." "You don't want to get caught in the 'mom trap'. There's a lot more to life than being a mother." "You'll go crazy if you don't have outside interests. You might want to consider going back to work, even if it's just part time." On the other end of the advice spectrum were a few quiet voices who told me, "The most wonderful thing about motherhood is that it gives you the opportunity to learn to act in a Christlike manner. You get to practice servanthood in a constant, practical way. It's such a blessing. You'll finally learn how to sacrifice."
Sacrifice? servanthood? behaving in a Christlike manner? Are any of us up to such a task, especially when our very natures balk at the idea and the world tells us to put ourselves first?
I don't remember who it was who told me that the key to being a good mother was to remember that we are raising our children in the shadow of the Cross. We need to remember Christ's example to us. We also need to remember that the very souls of our children are at stake--and that only Christ can save them. We need to remember that we are sinful and need sanctification. We need to remember our utter and complete dependence on our Lord. Living in the shadow of the Cross serves as a daily reminder.
Often I find myself wondering, "What does mothering in the shadow of the Cross look like?" There are several principles that come to mind.
So how does mothering in the shadow of the Cross look like? It is the living out of the Biblical principles I have listed above. It is an attitude of the heart, a daily devotion to our Savior, and an outworking of His sanctifying grace in our lives. The particulars may look different, as God leads us. Love may compel one mother to bake her own bread and sew all of the family's clothes, while another mother might be equally compelled to purchase bread and clothes. One family might undertake the religious training of their children with nightly catechism classes after dinner; another family might read and discuss a selected Scripture passage; another family might open systematic theology books together; yet another family might use audio and video tapes as part of that instruction. In one family, the father might be the "disciplinarian"; in another, he might delegate much of that to his wife. The point is that living in the shadow of the Cross is not a method or a set of rules that will leave our families looking basically identical in our practices. Where Scripture is silent, we cannot rush forward and tell others how they must live, nor should we allow others to bind our consciences with rules God never established. There is great freedom in Christ, and that freedom brings with it the responsibility of submitting to the leading of the Spirit of God. Ultimately, we as parents are responsible for hearing God's voice. We cannot rely on others to do all the hearing for us.
We cannot undertake any of this on our own. No manmade method, no program, no set of steps can bring us to this point. Only the very real presence of Christ in our lives, bringing us redemption and enabling us to die to ourselves and live for Him, can enable us to mother in the shadow of the Cross.
My deepest prayer is that God will work in my life and bring forth the fruit that He desires. Someday I hope that my children will rise up and call me blessed. I hope that, as adults, they will be able to say, "Truly our mother lived her life in the shadow of the Cross." I grow daily more aware that only the miraculous, transforming power of God could make that possible and that I stand in great need of God's grace. My hope lies in the fact that He Who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it.
May all of our homes become truly Christ-centered, as we live our lives in the shadow of the Cross, with our hope fixed on Christ Jesus.
"For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18"But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world." Galations 6:14
"For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps; who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth; who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously; who to his own self bare our sins in his own body on the cross that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness; by whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls. 1 Peter 2:21-25
copyright 1996 by Rebecca Prewett
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