Toys and the Christian Family

Toys and the Christian Family
by Rebecca Prewett

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things arehonest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure,whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise,think on these things.
---Philippians 4:8

What could be more innocent, more harmless than toys? If we were the toymakers, our products would no doubt reflect our love for children, our love for God, and our desire for holiness and purity. Unfortunately, the shelves of most toy stores are filled with toys made by those who are definitely of another mindset entirely.

Do children need toys? I would answer yes. Less affluent children have, for centuries, created their own: a piece of wood wrapped in a scrap of cloth became a doll; other bits of wood became animals, houses, tools, or weapons. Children seem to need to play almost as much as they need food, shelter, and love. Toys are the necessary props.

Children learn through play. Just as we guide and direct our children's formal education, we should do the same for their play. While we may give our children lots of freedom and leeway in their play, out of a desire to encourage creativity, we will probably want to offer guidelines and restrictions. All playacting is not harmless fun. Just as we discourage potentially dangerous rough-housing, we will probably restrict playacting anything that is sinful, offensive, or even obnoxious. Allowing our children to pretend sinful behavior "makes a mockery of sin" and is warned against in Proverbs.

Since I believe that play is so important, I need to be discerning in the selection of toys for our children. In my own selection, I try to use the following criteria, which I have been developing over the years that toys have played a role in our family. I recognize that some of these are preferences (as opposed to convictions) and thus do not impose all of these criteria on those who buy gifts for our children.

There should not be too many toys. A vast amount not only fosters materialism and ingratitude, but actually diminishes the quality of play. This is a constant struggle for those of us with many doting and generous relatives.
Toys should encourage creativity, be interactive, and involve what child development "experts" call "open ended play". That means I avoid battery-operated toys that leave the child passively watching. That also means that if I'm buying a puppet, I'll tend to pick one that could play different characters, rather than one that is limited to being just Little Red Riding Hood, for example.
Toys should not be violent, occult, suggestive, pointless, disgusting, vulgar, obnoxious...there goes 75% of the toys in many toystores. I try to ask myself, "Could I imagine Jesus as a child, if he lived today, playing with this? Does this exemplify the type of life I want for my children?" In our home, we have chosen not to have toys such as these that we feel might be a potential stumbling block by appealing to the child's sinful nature or encouraging violence, strife, materialism, vanity, etc.
Will this toy annoy me to no end? Since I have to live with the toys, literally, I never buy noisemakers. (Our children have been given some toys that I joke were given with the sole purpose of disturbing the peace.) Toys that become too great a source of frustration (due to noise, being scattered everywhere, or whatever) will go on "hiatus" until the children agree to be more responsible or my tolerance level for that toy increases.
Toys should, ideally, teach our children something good. That doesn't mean they all have to come from the "educational supply store". Dolls can fit into this category if they encourage our children to roleplay family roles, practice being motherly or fatherly, of mimic us. (Plus, it's entertaining--and sometimes convicting--to watch them!) Some toys teach physical skills or hand-eye coordination. Others teach problem solving skills. Blocks teach our children to design and build things--and that bouncing one off baby's head is a no-no.
Toys should be of enduring quality. Junk that breaks easily only frustrates our children and does not teach them to take good care of what God has given us. Better one good quality toy than a toybox full of cheap trinkets.
Why give toys when you can give the real thing? Our children have a toolbox, filled with real tape measures, little saw, hammers, screwdrivers, etc. Even our 2 year olds have had their own hammers. These are used only under my husband's supervision.

Having standards about acceptable and unacceptable toys poses a dilemma. What do we do about presents that violate those standards?

First, we must determine if the present violates a conviction or a preference. We might prefer toys that aren't battery operated, but is this a conviction? We may prefer toys made of wood rather than plastic, but is this a conviction? Just because we would never select the toy ourselves, are we unwilling to allow our child to play with the toy? Is there something inherently harmful with playing with a silly plastic noisemaker?

What if the toy violates one of our convictions? Perhaps the best way to avoid this dilemma is by communicating our standards to family and friends. That sounds good, but the prospect is often daunting if we know that prospective gift-givers, especially in- laws, will find our convictions either silly, wrong, offensive, or outlandish.

What if the gift has already been given? I was once put in the awful position of having to take a particularly offensive present away from one of my children. There was no way that he could play with it without "making a mockery of sin" and we had just finished studying that very verse! Thank God that the gift giver was not there personally. I explained to my child, who saw the same problem with the gift that I did, that she didn't know our family's standards and that she probably had never read that particular verse.

I was still, however, reluctant to circulate a "gift-giving guide" to anyone who might give one of our children a present. My husband and I discussed our convictions in this area and he undertook to make a few hints to his family. I was much more direct with mine. But, rather than communicate a list of don'ts--"Don't give this gift...don't give toys that are like this...don't...don't..." we tried to word things positively. We suggested the idea that our children didn't need lots of toys and that they appreciated, contrary to what many adults think, gifts of clothing, especially those that are hand-sewn by loving relatives.

To keep the volume of toys to a decent level, we put some out of reach in a toy library, available by permission only. Other toys are packed away except during the Christmas season. The children look forward with great anticipation to the reappearance of these special "family heirlooms". We remind gift-givers that our younger children are happily playing with toys from their older siblings and don't need to be inundated with replicas and replacements.

Toys are an important part of our family life. Let us be diligent in making sure that the time our children spend playing is edifying to them and glorifying to God...rather than a potential stumbling block for them and displeasing to God.

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