Many of our decisions as
mothers--whether we are are aware of it or not--are motivated and
determined by our view of children. For example, if we view our
children as possessing some
innate wisdom that we, in our aged corruption, have forgotten, we
will tend to allow them to
make their own decisions, even to the point of thinking they are more
qualified than us to make
these decisions. If we view our children as perfect beings, pure and
untainted by sin, we will
tend to ignore and excuse their misdeeds, blaming circumstances
outside our children. If we
view our children as vile sinners, manipulative and selfish from the
moment of birth, we will
tend to interpret even the most innocent childishness as an attack
against our authority. If we
view our children as less important than ourselves, we will tend to
put our needs and desires
above theirs, perhaps even attempting to justify our selfishness by
claiming it is really an
effort to teach our children that none of them are the most important
person in the world.
As with any viewpoint we have, it is important that our view of
children be based on the World
of God, lest we fall into error. Our decisions are not made in a
vacuum and, unfortunately, when
our view of children is erroneous and unbiblical, it is our children
who suffer most.
What does the Bible say about our children?
If we really believe what the Bible says about children, our
beliefs will cause our mothering to
look quite different from the rest of the world:
The difficulty of establishing and maintaining a Biblical view of
children is that it is completely
at odds with the world. This is yet another area where we desperately
need our minds to be
renewed by the Holy Spirit. As Barbara Curtis has written, "At no
time in history, I believe,
have parents ever been so self-centered. So many daily parental
decisions are based on society's
encouragement not to neglect their own needs." 2
Mary Pride, in her books The Way Home and
All the Way Home, has commented on the tendency of people to
view children either as burdens
to be endured and even avoided or as pets to be pampered with toys
and yuppie baby gadgetry. (A
fashion spread I saw in a women's magazine a few years ago included
babies as if they were some
sort of fashion accessory and went so far as to suggest hair coloring
so that the mother's hair
would be compatible with the baby's hair.)
The church, tragically, has embraced much of the world's
philosophy concerning children. If
you don't believe this, ask any mother of more than the socially
acceptable number of children.
Unless she attends a truly unusual church, she has probably been
forced to endure insults,
criticisms, jabs, and mean-spirited joking at the hands of fellow
Believers. Two comments,
made to a close friend of mine following my husband's joyful
announcement of our fourth
pregnancy, sum up a prevalent attitude towards children: "Rebecca is
sure putting on a good
front about this," sighed one woman as if my husband had announced an
impending family
tragedy. Another said, "I don't know whether to offer her
congratulations or condolences."
Some churches in Southern California go so far as to ban children
from worshiping with the
rest of the church body. Apparently they take Jesus words of "Let the
children come unto me"
to mean that this should take place somewhere where only a few
adults--their teachers--will
have to endure the company of children. One family told me about
being barred from entry at the
door of a church sanctuary and being told that no children, even
well-behaved ones, were
allowed inside. An older couple told of visiting such a church and
seeing the family in front of
them escorted out. Their two boys had behaved in an exemplary manner,
yet their very
presence in a church was, according to a written statement handed out
by the ushers, a
"disruption" of worship.
A worldly philosophy of children becomes somewhat of a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Children
viewed as burdens tend to act like burdens. Children left untrained
bring shame on their
mothers. Children banned from church attendance lose interest in
church and become either
disruptive or disinterested. However, when we develop and live out a
Biblical view of children,
we experience blessings beyond our expectations. Our children really
are blessings, we
quickly discover--and we consider ourselves especially blessed if God
generously grants us
more of them. The faith of our children is a testimony to us.
Teaching and training them causes
us to grow in wisdom and knowledge. Serving them, using Christ as our
example, causes us to
grow in maturity, compassion, and godliness. Loving them brings
endless rewards.
Truly, children are a blessing--and motherhood is a joyous privilege.
copyright 1996 by Rebecca Prewett
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